I've been soul-searching and heart-scrutinizing and have some advice to my fellow teenage girls (and guys if, during my little tirade here, I say something of import for guys). Those of you who know me know that I have never been in a romantic relationship with a boy, and never will be for the remainder of my adolescent years. But bear with me, it's not hard to stay that way, and I have good reasons for not playing with fire like most young girls, bless their hearts. The reasons are as follows:
- There are no logical reasons for girls to trifle with male emotions, and vice-versa.
- Dating can be immensely dangerous.
- When you do get married, your husband will not be the only man you have given your heart to. Your white wedding dress will be an empty symbol of purity.
- We teenagers don't know the difference between intense crushes and legitimate, God-ordained love, and we won't until we encounter the person that God has raised and polished specially for us.
And now, I shall expound...
Girls often wonder why they keep getting dumped, and their hearts broken, and boy do I have some words for y'all!
Being "in relationships" with boys or "trying out" boys often entails giving your heart to every boy you get weak in the knees for, or simply think is attractive. When you give your heart in full to one whose emotional patterns you simply cannot read, he sees your affections differently than you do, and when he looses interest, what happens to you? He's not breaking up with you simply to hurt you, even if it looks like it when he comes out unscathed. The reason you get hurt and not he is because you have given your heart to this boy, who reads into relationships totally differently than you do.
There are some girls who claim to be saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ, then go and date every Tom, Dick, and Harry they see walking down the street. This may be due, in part, to their eagerness to grow up and get married and have fifteen babies, but, in truth, the only reason the Bible doesn't come straight out and say, "Thou shalt not engage in marital activities before thou art matured emotionally, spiritually, and morally" is because it was written when dating, courting, et cetera, were not rampant means of getting one's heart broken. It was written a few thousand years ago, girls! Naturally, it wouldn't address something that doesn't darken the picture for another two millennia or so. You girls have so much potential for being moral warriors for Christ, and you're cheating yourself out of an untainted, God-driven marriage by playing with boys' emotions and acting like you are married to a boy before the appropriate time. You loose your purity when you give your heart to any young man whom God Himself has not chosen to be your husband.
I know that "dating" is often considered a way of looking for your soul-mate. This is a valid point, and it took a lot of deep-mind fishing to understand why it goes against what God would want when we're so young. What I came up with is that, you may know the person sitting across the table at the nice restaurant, but when you think there's nothing more you can possibly learn about this young man, you find out you don't know him at all. This is because people change; people are fickle creatures, and it's human nature to be so. Beside it all, are you sure you want to rush into the wrong decision when you're a teenager? You may feel like an adult at 18, and when you turn 21 you may be a legal "adult," but there's really not a magical age at which you become an adult in full. It is one thing to believe the lies of others, but the second most believable deception is self-deception. What is it second to? It is second to the deception of Satan, who is the master of lies, who wove the falsity of adolescent romance. Satan wants you to think, "there is nothing wrong with dating," but if you cannot think of what is wrong with dating, ask yourself what is right with it.
Y'all may be thinking, "She has no right to preach about dating when she has no experience in it." You are right, I have not had direct experience. But I have seen many girls get their hearts broken by a boy who simply didn't want to go any further in the relationship. I have seen young women rise in Christ and then fall on their faces time and time again and not learn from their mistakes because they did not think they were in the wrong. It may have been an issue of insecurity, but insecurity is often self-imposed by separating yourself from your spiritual umbrellas: your mom and your dad. Being 15 with two older sisters (among several other insanely cool and/or insanely unique siblings), I know that teenagers often feel the need to do something wild -- to sneak out with a boy or have a drink and a cigarette or two, but when you distance yourself from your parents, you open doors for all kinds of evil to slip in, take you by the heart, and tear down your reputation, your virtue, your self-image, and your will to walk in Christ.
Just think about what you are really doing when you give your heart to a teenage boy. For one, we girls don't understand guys half as much as we think, and maybe even less than they understand us. The stereotype that guys don't understand girls goes both ways, so keep in mind that they read actions totally differently than we do. Thus, if they treat you like one of the guys, that may not be boy-code for "I kinda like you more than as just a friend." In fact, it just may be, "You're cool, and I want to be your friend." My point is, we girls do not understand boys, and giving your heart to a guy (even if you are good friends with him to begin with) is just playing with fire, and you will get burnt when he decides that you two are not meant to be together.
If you are good friends with a guy before you give your heart to him and/or start dating, then it is possible that your friendship with that boy will be broken along with your heart. Doesn't that just add insult to injury for you? It's probably no easier for him, but I'm not speaking for the guys since I don't understand them any more than the next teenage girl. *hint hint*
I have had my share of crushes, and although my heart has not been broken in all my 15 years, I have been through some hilly, jerky, emotional roller coasters and I know the consequences of giving yourself to one boy exclusively, and then the next, and then the next, and so on. For your heart's sake, we girls are more than capable of getting through high school and college without a boy holding our hand. It's a sign of a lack of faith in God's omnipotence(all-powerfulness) to give the appearance of needing a boyfriend to help you, when it's a self-eating-watermelon cycle of having your heart broken, feeling depressed and in need of a boyfriend to cheer you up, another broken heart, post-boyfriend depression, new boyfriend to help you get over the last one, another broken heart, post-boyfriend depression, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!
My advice is to guard your heart. What I hope to achieve with this blog is a difference in the way girls see boys, and to distinguish between the way we see dating and the way boys see dating, because they really are totally different, even if we don't realize it at first glance. The first step to learning from your mistakes is realizing them. I am certainly not beating down those of you who have had their hearts broken or have considered adolescent dating as an option, but rather I am trying to offer an alternative method of getting through your high school years. We're young women; we don't need boyfriends to get us through high school and college. When reconciled with God, young women are a force to reckon with. Atheist guys be warned!
Another thing: Don't go into marriage solely for love, because feelings change as a person changes. If you go into a marriage expecting constant love and perfection from the other person, you will be horribly disappointed. Rather, go into marriage with your eyes wide open to your husband's flaws, live to serve him and not to be served by him, and let your actions with him bring glory to God.
Keep in mind that we are not alone. You may disagree and/or be convinced otherwise, but your parents may have gone through exactly the same thing as teenagers.
The key to hypothesizing the future is perception and distinguishing of the past. If you perceive your past hurts and distinguish them as something(s) that could be avoided, you then begin realizing ways to avoid making the same mistake(s) again. God allows you to make mistakes so you can learn from them, not brush them off and call it someone else's problem. One of my favorite analogies is the "get back on the horse" one. But sometimes it is best not to get back in the saddle, especially if that horse is a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, which definitely a young, untrained, Arabian stallion, and you will get thrown.
Take theses scripture passages to heart:
"Above all, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
~ Proverbs 4:23 ~
"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him."
~ Lamentations 3:25 ~
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
~ Psalm 37:4 ~
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."
~ Psalm 51:10 ~